Why do people have kids?Yes, they can be little annoying brats but the problem here isn't about children themselves. It's about parents. Why do they have kids if they don't want to BE parents.
In my little work experience I have seen extremes. Junkie or alchoolic parents, parents that just don't give a shit, parents with no money. And rich parents that work too much or that simply don't have time to 'waste' taking care of their children because go shopping is more important. The difference is, when you have (much) more money you can pay a better school and your kid is in better hands. What pisses me off the this lauzy person thinking that this is enough.
And they don't really know that they miss the best in that children.
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This is a very good post. You are right, there are so many people who are bad parents. Hey, it's not an easy thing to do, to be a good parent- it's something you must know you're fail at least in some aspects... But then again, some people don't even try. Or is just me? Maybe I am expecting too much.
First of all: don't have kids because they "just happened". Use birth control. Yes, reproduction and the instinct for reproduction re natural, but parenting instinct obviously isn't for humans. So don't let children to "just happen" to you.
Don't have kids because you think that's what society wants you to.
Don't have kids because you are afraid to be lonely some day.
I'd love to have kids, but I can't- in lack of a better and nicer word- afford them at the moment. I don't have enough money, and you must be able to support your children. Yes, love is the most important, but who wants their kids to be hungry?
I believe that besides food, the most imporant need of a child is attention. A child can live perfectly in a family with little money, that won't be a big trauma, it will need more money when it gets older. But if a child get no attention, caress and affection then you'll have a problem child. And it's important to highlight that affection has nothing to do with money. Sometimes the child the has the most expensive toys can feel neglectet.
I believe most people, get married and have kids (not exactly in this order) because society wants you to.
I'm a child that "just hapened". It sucks a lot. Not that I feel unloved, never. But sometimes you can't help feeling unwanted, like you screwed your parents lives - that that I really did that.
Well, I was talking about money because that's what stops me from having a child now. My husband and I simply can't afford to have a child now, because we are students with no money.
On the other hand, you are right: attention is the most important.
So, you are the eldest (older) child? My husband "just happened" to his parents. But my folks were married for 3 years before they got me. I don't know what to say. I don't think my husband was unwanted, but I do feel a bit relieved to know I didn't mess up my parent's plans. On the other hand, my mother had me partly because she was lonely and wanted to have someone who's going to love her. That turned out to be a burden while I was growing up.
Of course money is important. You must have it for the essentials, having a child is expensive. I just meant that you don't need to give the most expensive toys or take it to Disneyland. This child will need more money in adolescence. Better schools, university and so on.
Yes, I'm the eldest. It's a strange feeling once you start thinking about it. (I mean, being a unexpected child)
Parents sometimes make lots of mistakes and their children are experts in finding them. But it's hard no to make mistakes.
Well, being an unplanned (but loved) child might not be that bad. There are a lot of people I know who share similar history.
You see, premarital sex is the norm here, so majority of marriages, especially between young people (younger than 25-26) happen because the girl gets pregnant. It's just the norm. Sometimes, this doesn't work at all, especially if a child happens to the people who can't really work as a married couple. But to many families, it works just fine.
Some couples even decide to wait till girl gets pregnant before they get married. Like I said, it's a really common situation, especially for the young couples. In fact, everybody thought I was pregnant when I got married (I was 24), and when people realized I wasn't pregnant, some of them simply couldn't understand why I got married at such a young age in the first place (in my country, in the big cities, "young age" is anything before late 20s).
I would ask myself the same question. Why do a person get married so young. Why do a person get married at all?
I don't really like the idea of marriage, bf (that wants to get married someday) says that this happens because I haven't seen a nice mariage in my life. The whole thing with marriage confuses me.
Pre marital sex it's normal here too and we don't have any chastity campaings - out of church - but people are starting to get sexual active really early. I know few 16 year old girls that still virgin. And if a boy reach 18 years old virgin (what is rare) his friends arrange to get him to a whore house on his birthday. There are some consequences like teenage pragnancy, in most cases parents obligate these teenagers to get married, what I don't think it's the best idea.
People here are normally getting married around 27/30. They are streching their adolescence as long as they can. Young people say that they want to "enjoy life" and that's by fucking a different person everyday. What isn't really my idea of enjoying life.
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