2010: A summary

2 out of 5 new year's resolutions acomplished in 2010. Not bad. I lost some weigh and I graduated. Although, I can't predict when I'll be able to get a driver's license or start my studies in psycology. I must say I went terribly bad on the saving money one, but I'll go to the U2 concert anyhow. I have realised that I have trouble on saving money long-term, all I do is taking my whole pay-check, spend in something I need/want and stay the rest of the month with no money at all, of course, that's only possible because I still live in my parent's house and that will probably change in 2011.

Well, 2010 was hard, difficult, painful, and yet good. I graduated, I got promoted at work (still not a real teacher but...), I took the FCE exam and I'm now waiting for the results. Not bad but I can't say it was easy.

I'll keep 2 of my old resolutions in 2011. I still need to lose weigh and I desperately need to learn how to save money, seriously.The psycology will have to be postponed, but I'll start a post graduation course and in the end of the year I'll try pass on the Master's degree exam.

Well, that's it. I hope that the new year will be better for everyone. Let's dream and hope, because that's the best way to start. 

Song of the week

I'm really emotionally attached to this song since my childhood. Besides, I love this man's voice and his melodies.

"All the times that I've cried
Keeping all the things I knew inside
And it's hard, but it's harder
To ignore it
If they were right I'd agree
But it's them they know, not me
Now there's a way and I know
That i have to go away
I know I have to go"

Cat Stevens - Father and Son

p.s. Today is my father's birthday. Happy Birthday dad. 

Happy Holidays

I'm late but who cares?

It's coming on Christmas,
And they're cutting down trees.
Putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace,
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

It don't snow here,
Stays pretty green.
I'm gonna make a lot of money
And quit this crazy scene.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long,
I would teach my feet how to fly.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
I made my baby cry.

You tried hard to help me,
You put me at ease.
You loved me so naughty,
It made me weak in the knees.
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I'm so hard to handle,
I'm selfish and I'm sad.
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I've ever had.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long,
I would teach my feet how to fly.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
I made my baby say goodbye.

It's coming on Christmas
And they're cutting down trees.
Putting up reindeer,
And singing songs of joy and peace.
I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

 

[Joni Mitchell - River]

My Christmas song... always.

Sampa

I'm on my holidays, at last! And I finally managed to travel a bit, I spent my last week in São Paulo. It was wonderful! I've been there once but I wasn't able to get to know the city. 

I visited to museums, parks, japanese neighborhood, markets, I walked around at night, I met an online friend, I took the subway (never did that before, I'm such a redneck!)

You can breath diversity, of people, of colours, of scents, of races! You can breath culture! It's a great big mess, but somehow it's organized and everything works its way. It rains (almost) everyday, all day, it is hot in the summer, freezing in the winter and cool in the autumn. It rained everyday when I was there, it didn't bothered me. Actually, I was happy about it.

Of course I didn't stay enough to see it's problems and it's issues. Nevertheless, comming back to boring hometown was hard.

God help me, I'm 22!

I have never been afraid of age, I always liked birthdays, not celebrating my birthday is almost an abomination for me. But recently I've been feeling a bit old (yes, I realize I'm not old at all)

But I am now, able to remember and talk about things that happened over 10 years ago. I've been saying the sentences "When I was your age..." or "In my good old days.." a lot. Maybe it only means that I live around younger people, maybe it means nothing at all.

Still, the more time goes by, the more I dislike the present. I just has no appeal, no glamour, no nothing. Maybe I'm just too retro. Maybe, that's why people think I'm pretty much older than I'm really am. 

Probably I'm just a drama queen! LOL

p.s. I'm looking for inspiration for writing the HP7 review. ;)

Song of the week

But when the night is falling

and you cannot find the light

If you feel your dream is dying

Hold tight

You've got the music in you

Don't let go

You've got the music in you

One dance left

This world is gonna pull through

Don't give up

You've got a reason to live

Can't forget we only get what we give

[New Radicals - We only get what we give] 

This blog is going into something too personal. I'm sorry for that. ;) 

You know when you listen to a song a thousant times, it's always on your playlist, you've always loved it but, in one of these thousants of times it starts to make some sense to you? This happened to me this week. (not for the first time, but this time worths sharing)

I've been feeling hopeless, like I have lost all the oportunities of my dreams comming true and so on. This is a song that usually cheer me up but I had this insight. "Don't give up" (so cliché, I know. I'm sorry!), then I started writing this post but my internet connection wasn't helping posting at all. I left home for work and when I got there I got great, wonderful news! So, the song fits my week completely. =)

I'm sorry for the personal stuff again. =)

I am plus size

I went out with my mother on the other day, looking for a dress for my Graduation Ceremony. And it was like hell! I wear, in American size, around 12/14 and unfortunately that is now considered fat. I'm not saying that I'm thin, because I am not, but I'm not that fat eighter. I was feeling like crap in the end of the day because none of the almost 10 dresses I tried looked nice. Just to tell the end of the story, I went to a really good shop, one that make good clothes I end up paying a lot more than I should but I found a dress that fitted me and that made me feel good in it. But I kept myself thinking about this subject, again: why should we all be skinny?

I'm not a person that can complain about my body (or my health) simply because my body is what it is because I do nothing to change it. I don't excercise, I drink loads of coke, I eat fried meals, I eat way too much because I love eating. If you ask me if I prefer to spend my hard earned money in a gym or eating good food I would ALWAYS say food. But I was a size 6 once and I wasn't any healthier. The health speech  is the biggest lie ever told and it makes us feel even worse, extra guilt. ("I'm a fat, ugly and unhealthy. I'll die in a couple of years") But I have seen people who ate nicely and excercised but never lost a single pound! And I have seen top model sized people who had all those medical conditions that are common to fat people. 

Health (and knowledge) is the greatest commoditie a human being can have. It's important to take care of our body (and mind!!) but that does not mean we have to squeal ourselves to fit a standart that's not really ours. Most of fat people are indeed unhealthy but some people are fluffy and very healthy, and you can't imagine how hard and how much prejudice fluffy/fat people suffer. 

I'm trying the happiness standart. Be happy, search happiness, look for happiness. 

FINALLY!

I have my diploma at last!

Just to share the good news. ;)

It's been too long, I'm glad to be back

I have had some tough days and I'm sure that they're not all water under the bridge. But I'm also sure that there's still a lot of water to run under the bridge so... Why worry?

Ideas that became drafts are about to become posts really soon. As you wait, enjoy a fine and pure shot of rock'n'roll.

 I'm not ok right now. I would love to write about lots of things and I have plenty ideas but I don't have strengh at this moment and I don't want to turn this blog into a place where I can complain of how much life sux.

News News News!

I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED MY GRADUATION COURSE!

That's it! This is the big news! My graduation ceremony sets place in September so tecnically I'm not graduated yet but I have finished all my subjects. 

I have had a nice week so far, things at work as less worse than I thought and I survived my feedback. I won't be there next year, thogh, unless things change. I lost my hability of planning my life for the next year because of the moving possibility and I have decided, at least, try not to worry before it's time to. I went to a Zeca Baleiro concert on Wednesday and unfortunately I don't have pics because my mum was with the camera and she was travelling. The concert was great and he played almost all my fave songs. It was really good, I haven't danced like that in a while! 

I was taken by the World Cup fever. I watched all Brazil's matches and except for the ones against Cote d'Ivoire and Chile, the other ones were absolutery boring! Specially today's fiasco against Netherlands. I don't know enough bad words in English to express my indignation. Of course Brazil isn't only football and I hate the Brazilian stereotypes but the Worl Cup is the World Cup and even though you don't like football that much (I don't like mostly because I get stressed, as I did today) you can't help getting a bit excited. The whole country stops to watch the games and you get a day off from work (or at least half of the day), so it's easy to be taken. 

I'll have to work for 2 more weeks before I can get a 10 days recess. I won't be able to start my psycology course or post graduation this year so I intend to rest from "school" for the nexts 6 months and that's a strange thing because I don't really know what it feels like not having to wake up at 5:45 a.m. to go to the class. That was my life during the last 20 years. I need to organize my stuff, my university things and so on... I haven't done that for 2 years or more so you can imagine how messed up things are. All the stuff is badly acomodated in the closet.

I can't wait to watch Toy Story 3. My brother has spoiled some facts to me (I wanted to kill him) and I'm excited about it because it seems that the movie wasn't made for kids but the old Toy Story fans, like me, who were kids when the first one was made. It's been 11 years since Toy Story 2 and I've been waiting for a long time. Probably my next post will be about it. 

That's it. A resumé of my last month.

=D

p.s. Listen to the link on Zeca Baleiro, I love him and I'm a fan since I was a child. ;)

p.s.2 That's me, age 6. Graduation ceremony when I leaned to read and write. =)

Against History is one year old!

Happy Birthday Against History!

I'm not posting as often as I wanted but It's been nice blogging for such a long time. 

Huge thanks for those who are reading me, whoever you are! 

Mama's b-day

Happy Birthday Mamma!
I love you!

Picture Of The Day

To celebrate my Mira's birthday.

Not inspired

I don't know what to write about at this moment. I feel tired and bored.  I have loads of things to study and I've been working lots,  it seems that there's no space for the creative things right now. I wanted to write an Iron Man 2 review but I'm not in the mood, I don't know why. And I'm complaining again! LOL It's just too much work and nothing interesting to say. But this will pass soon. I hope.

Julie & Julia

I'm not going to really talk about the movie. I just can't think of a better title for the post now. But if you want my opinion, that's a great movie and both, Meryl and Amy were great in there. The story is beautiful and something I need. I'll explain.

It's been a while since I've been thinking of blogging. I have always blogged, I mean, since I heard of the thing. It was about 8/9 years ago. Unfortunately (fortunately to be honest) they are nowhere to be found. The only thing I still have from this age of my life is my fotolog, I have two actually. Gosh! I go round and round to tell a story, let me go to the point now. 

It's been a while since I've been thinking of blogging. But I don't want to write about my days as I used to do when I was 13 but, writing "useful" things (as if anything I could possibly write be useful) and a very good friend of mine was thinking about it too. Writing about fun things we like, like the blogs we read. But I can't think of something I can write about for a "successful" blog. Everything I like alredy has an amazing blog about. lol Whatever. I'm going round again and I think this isn't the point.

The main character was in a crossroad and could change her life, in the case by blogging. Changing life by blogging is a little bit cliché right now, I think, but I'm trying to find something nice to do. Any suggestions?

Madonna

I've been a fan since, I don't know... 2000 maybe. Everybody around me hates her and I couldn't really explain why and why I like her music so much. Well... while I was watching Glee's special episode about Madonna and I've got my answer: her music frees people. Of course not everybody needs freedom, only the ones that are more "opressed" - for lack of better word - that's why girls and gays like her most.

Her messages are: be yourself, express what you feel, don't care for what people say, your mind and your body are yours and only yours, love, get hurt eventually and then put yourself together again... You don't see anywhere something like: "you should act like a whore", but you see, if someone is free of some bounds people see them like that.

I can't speak for the gay comunity (it's strange but I don't live with many of them and I seem to be the only woman in the world that doesn't have a gay friend) but I can speak for myself and I say: it's not easy to be a girl and I'm not talking about the biological part. 

We're judged all the time, we have to be a good daugters,wife, mother, mistress and professional and all of that wearing wheels and in perfect shape. By being a good anything, I mean do not have your own wishes, desires and goals. In one sentence: be a puppet. Somehow most woman manage to do all this (or part of it) and they do it well, still we are not as recognized or payed enough.

This is one of those subjects I don't like to think, write or discuss about because it always makes me angry or down. This one specially because sometimes I deeply wish I was as dumb as a door and I didn't think about these things. I wouldn't feel so suffocated and so under pressure and my life would be, for sure, easier.  

p.s. Still I think that Madonna must have some kind of deal with the devil. haha

I've been thinking a lot

In thinks I don't have time to think right now.

I've been thinking of writing something creative, but I'm not creative.
I've been thinking about lack of change.
I've been thinking about being stucked in the same place / situation.
I've been thinking about changes that might make me and someone else happier but I don't think it worths the trouble.
I've been thinking about changes these changes that might make me happier won't really make me happier, they'll make my life easier, but someone eles would be happier. Still, I don't think it should not be a priority to someone else and the fact that it is pisses me off.
I've been thinking that I shouldn't suffer because I don't agree on how the world goes round, 'cause I can't change it, that's the way it is, but I can't figure a way to do this.

I think that I should be studying since I have two tests next week. 

I'm happy because the autumn (cronologic speaking, since I can't see the seasons in this hell place) has finally arrived. Cool and fresh wind makes me happy. Not sweating makes me happy. I wish it was like this everyday.

This post does not make any sense. Nevermind. If this is what's in my mind, as you can see, my mind is a mess.

Things you don't want to know about me - but I'm telling anyway

1. I love reading dictionaries, discovering new words and finding out that things like "MySpace" and "Facebook" are there. The thing with the new verbs like google and tweet (in the new meaning) is cool too. I like the way languages are alive.

2. I like to collect things. My favoritecollection is the postcard one.

3. I like to write journals... when I remember to write in them.

4. I LOVE depressive and sad songs, specially if I'm depressed. I cry from the first to the last song of a Nick Cave CD. (Too emo unh?)

5. I always wanted to wear glasses - I still do - but I have perfect sight.

6. I have almost ALL my school tests and exams, including the bad grades, including my first "0" in trigonometry. From kindergarten to university.

7.  I have done two surgeries in my life. One on my nose (deviated septum and sinusitis) and one to remove galbladder stones (which I did last friday - Feb.12th)


9. I believe that women should use corsets again. Their bodies used to be more beautiful then.

10.  My first nick on the internet (mIRC good old times) was Mary_Cobain. No wonder why my father was so worried about me then.

11. Part of my hair was blue once. I died it when I was about to turn 20 (adolescence end crisis? lol) It eventually faded and became green.

12. My first band t-shirt was a Guns'n'Roses.

13. I drink at least 600 ml of coke a day. I drink coke during breakfast. Yes, I aware of the risks and I know I'm addicted.

Parents will only have themselves to blame

I alredy am ashamed of my generation but the more I watch children today, the more I'm concearned about the future. What led me to this ephifany? The first mother that complained about me in my new job. (Yeah, I've been there for a week and someone alredy complained about me) 

I'm a teacher assistant in this school and yesterday the lead teacher of the class went to talk with the headmaster and the owner of the school. When she came back to class she told me that a mother said to the owner of the school that when she came to pick her son up, she saw me yelling to another child. I was shocked. Of course that I always have to control the italian part of me that talks loudly very often but knowing that these little "angels" will tell their parents everything I say or do, I am really carefull.  I kept thinking about the day before trying to remember why did I scream to the boy - that she couldn't even say who was, then I remembered.

The boy in question spent the whole day pushing the other students. He pushed students on the line while we were walking by the hallways. He pushed students in the playground, he was doing this the whole day, really. The teacher and me were calling his attention for his actions, trying to make him see that pushing his classmates is wrong, not yelling at him. Not talking down at him! Well, when the woman was arriving to pick her son the child was pushing a classmate, the child fell over a desk and of course started to cry! The first thing I did after picking the one who fell was saying: "Hey! We alredy told you about pushing your friends. You could have hurt him! Don't do that again!" Then the woman came in. What was I supposed to do? Say "Congratulations! You just pushed a classmate again, well done." ???? I wonder if it was her son the one who was pushed if she would be thinking that I was yelling to the other kid. 

I'm not a mother, I don't intend to be soon. But you don't need to be one nor a genious to see that if the kids are little brats with no limits at all, parents only have themselves to blame. Still they don't want to see that. I have seen 4 years old children stealing, I have seem them bullying, I have seen them lying shamelessly and the only thing I was told to do was: keep quiet. Schools are, now, made to stuck knowledge on children's heads and not to try to make the world better trying to do what parents don't want to: raising their children. 

Eventually these children will grow up and become people with serious character disorder - and other disorders - and parents will only have themselves to blame even if they can't see that.